


Trust

by hanyou_elf



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-04
Updated: 2012-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-28 21:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/312569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanyou_elf/pseuds/hanyou_elf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone. -Walter Anderson</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust

_We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone. -Walter Anderson_

You watch him move above you and fear blossoms in the pit of your stomach. How easy it would be to forget the painful reminders of your youth, with him guiding you!

You didn't expect to be here, to be so broken beneath this lithe man. You didn't expect for him to be the strong one. And when you fell into the bed together, you had really expected a completely different outcome.

You hadn't expected his surprise dominance, his need or power in this situation, this quiet moment. But as his hands travel over your taut stomach, teasing and determined, you can't stop your back from arching. It's scary, but he is so perfect against you.

You want to cry for his tenderness, but you hold it back, knowing it would be so easy to dissolve and ruin this moment. Something he needs as much as you do. Even if you and your pride don't want to admit it.

He is perfect, and he is attentive and he is wonderfully amazing. When a moist finger penetrates your body, you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he is the perfect man for you. You whimper, your fears melting away as he massages your body from the inside. He's preparing you, something Carl Buford never fully did. Already the small contrasts make it infinitely better.

His fingers probe you, teasing and gentle and erotic beyond words. God above, you can't stop the soft grunts as he touches you in places nobody has touched since before you went to college. He murmurs nonsense words, comforting and terrifying at the same time.

You want to relax, you need to, you just can't find it in you to do so. You trust him, you love him, but that doesn't mean you can leave behind so much pain and fear just because he's here.

You fight the urge to yell at him, to beg for him to stop. You want to cry, fear and shame hot in your belly. And you hate yourself. Every time you are with him, your positions are reversed. After so long together, you know he deserves this.

Lips brush against yours, a hand travels lightly down your side. You gasp, and your body arches toward the touch. He is careful, his hand is desperate to bring you the pleasure you give him. He is attentive enough to recognize the fact that your mind has drifted away to something else. And you know he won't force himself into your body because then he would the same as your childhood molester.

''More,'' you beg him softly.

You know how much you need this, how much you need him. You need to be together with him in the most intimate of ways, and the most intimidating. You need him in you, powerfully. You need to give him this trust, you need to be vulnerable with him.

''I love you,'' he whispers softly. ''I love you,'' he kisses along your neck, along your collarbone and jaw and everywhere but your lips and you arch against his touch, eager for more. Oh, how you want more from him!

''More,'' you pant, wrapping an arm around his slender shoulders, closer to him than you've been in a long time. Especially when he's above you.

You moan as a second finger enters your body, penetrating you, violating you. You want him in you, even as your fear covers and destroys you. His fingers spread, they seek out and massage and stretch. It's hard to be comfortable with this- with all of the things your beautiful boy wants, but you have to. Because you love Spencer, and really, you would give anything for him, including the comfort of your imposed positional abstinence.

He needs to know that you trust him completely. You need to give him this reassurance, and you're the only one who can. You hold him close, clinging tightly to him as his fingers move fluidly within you, stretching and preparing you. He's gentle, as only he can be.

A third finger joins the previous two and as much as you want him to stop, as much as you might want this to end, you know it won't. Because you gave him permission, and your erection is sliding over his long and slender body. He is gentle as his fingers spread, curl and- oh God! He found your prostate.

Your back arches, your feet dig into the bed beneath you, and your fists clench; one on his shoulder, the other in your sheets.

And then the real test. With one hand- a pro already- he breaks open the condom he swore to wear and rolls it down his own straining erection. He wants release, you've teased him too long. And this is where you will test your strength and resolve, your dedication to your relationship. Because if he can handle it, than you know you can handle him, if nobody else.

But, he is special. A man who loves you no matter what; who protects you with facts and statistics and love.

And he's sliding in, slowly. Powerful and paralyzing fear races through you and you tense. Miraculously, sweetly, he repeats words you first spoke in this situation.

''It's alright, Derek,'' he intones, voice strained and tight with effort to keep himself still. To not thrust forward in one powerful thrust, to not claim your flesh in the most basic of ways. ''I love you baby, I've got you. Relax baby, please relax.''

And it's miraculous: it actually works. His words are soft, his cadence is timed well with his slow movements in your body. He has a hand pressed against your hip, holding you firmly as he penetrates your body as nobody has in years. You arch against him and claim his thinned lips.

And now he's completely within you. And it hurts, God it hurts, but it is so good too. You whimper as you shiver beneath him, this position of vulnerability new and exciting and desperately needed. You cling to him, both arms wrapped around his slender back as he begins to thrust softly into your body.

''I...!''' you gasp, arching into him. His touch is enough to drive you insane. All you want is his attention, his love. This perfect moment you share with him. You want him deeper, you want him harder, you want him unforgettably branded into your body.

A long and elegant hand wraps around your erection, you arch into him and break the kiss with a silent moan. You want him, and you love the way you feel with him in you. His movements increase and his pace hastens. You have a shared goal, and he is quickly riding the waves of pleasure to reach it.

''I love you,'' he chants in a breathless whisper. And how perfect it is. Every thrust into your body drives the memory of Carl away. Your fears are being physically replaced with his love. He is making you new, healing scars that never faded.

You cry out in pleasure, pulling against your hold on his shoulders. You bow your back against the bed beneath you, screaming as your orgasm is ripped from your body. He takes the initiative and follows you, gasping your name as he comes, your hips pressed tightly together.

There is peace, absolute and complete peace like you haven't felt in decades. And the tears in your eyes mean everything.

Fortunately you've chosen to let your life be joined with a genius who understands more than he'll ever admit to, who knows just how to make sure you're safe in your bed with him, if it can be nowhere else.

''I love you,'' he promises as he pulls free. ''I love you,'' he murmurs as he pulls the used condom off. ''I love you,'' he repeats as he snuggles into your side. Cuddles to you.

''I love you,'' he whispers, lips too close to your skin. His hands flutter over your stomach, your chest, your arms. He can't stop touching you, and you love it.

He holds you, long and lanky arms comforting you as you relax against his thin chest.

Trusted and safe.


End file.
